What to Know Before Taking an Expatriate Assignment

August 17th, 2008 by hragitator | Posted in Comments |

Recently, I received the following comment on my post on trailing spouses :

My husband is considering taking a good paying job in Singapore. I am scared to death to go there (culture shock, leaving family, etc.) I am shy and will have trouble making a new life. Any suggestions?

I think this person has some legitimate concerns, and I’m glad she reached out to me.  Here’s my reply.

photo credit: Christopher Chan

If you are going to be moving to another country, you have to be very much willing and ready to accept things the way they are there. You can’t constantly be looking back at the way things were in the US. This applies to everything. If you like Cheerios, and they don’t have Cheerios in Singapore, then find another cereal. Don’t dwell on your lack of Cheerios. I know this seems like a small thing, but when you’re on assignment these things add up quickly. Focus on the good things (new food, new places, new culture, new language to learn), and not the bad (don’t have your favorite food/hangouts/movies/books/hobbies, etc.).

It took my wife almost a year to get over this “acceptance hump”. Once you learn that things are the way they are and just accept them as not good or bad, but different, you’ll be a lot happier. Also, be sure you have something constructive to do with your time when your husband is working. Sitting at home with nothing to do will only make you depressed and anxious. Have a plan. Are you going to study the language, start a new project, take care of the kids, tutor English lessons, go back to school? Don’t go there unprepared.

With that in mind, I suggest you purchase a book or two on expatriate assignments so you and your husband are prepared. Read it out loud together and discuss things. Be sure you agree on everything. Especially the details. Who’s going to clean, do the laundry, and buy the groceries? How often will you travel home? How often will friends and family visit (don’t expect much despite what they tell you beforehand)?

Take some things to comfort you as well. I recommend getting a Slingbox and setting it up at a family member’s house so you can record and watch your favorite shows. Install Skype on all your loved ones computers so you can talk to them regularly and see them via webcams. If you can move your stuff (e.g., bed, sofa, TV, etc.) that really helps you feel not so out of place.

The bottom line is that it takes a while to really feel comfortable in any new place, but another country is even more difficult. However, if you can get past these trials and tribulations, the experiences you’ll have are much more valuable than what you could get by staying home.

Hope everything turns out well for you!